Do you remember the person in your network who would constantly do back-to-back self-development programs and still won’t change in life? They would read all series of the law of attraction books and invest hugely in fancy self-development seminars and webinars and still struggle with the success hacks of life. The one who would voluntarily become leaders and coaches of these programs and would serve selflessly for hours and train you in fixing your life, work, and relationship and whereas they still feared, controlled, and dominated their relationships in life.
Well, that person in your network was no one but me. Yes!
I was the one who would do this series of self-help programs interestingly with two different purposes. One wanted to seek out help outside to fix my relationships and revive my career and the other purpose was that I wanted to know about all the productivity road maps and self-awareness strategies to constantly appear successful and advise the same to my people in the name of being a selfless person. There was a constant urge inside me that wanted to win this championship of self-development. The problem was in spite of doing so many positive things, nobody in my life gave a damn about my positive thinking and minuscule transformation.
A few years ago, I chose to stop. I chose to not be like a crazy patient who is constantly looking for new doctors to prescribe new medicines to immune the illness. In other words, I wanted to move on from this self-development loop and get back to my life.
Instead, what I did was the opposite, I chose to feel, I chose to feel every success and mistake of my past, present, and future. I was willing to face the negative thoughts and unfavorable situations in my life and not cover up with positive thinking. I wanted the wounds to be open so I can see the depth of the hurt. I wanted to learn to be comfortable with my wounds and express them exactly the way it is and the way it is not. I wanted to win myself and my relationships by being comfortable with them and not changing or manipulating them with positive thinking. This simple decision helped me change my life.
Today, I feel good. I have fewer but great relationships, I may not be a great entrepreneur but definitely, I have the habits to become one. I feel I am healthier and prettier mentally and physically than before. I think this is because I don’t believe in negative or positive thinking anymore, but in finding my peace and comfort between these dualities.
These past years, possibly with a clarity I was able to sort my life. I was able to build a road map for myself and others that is based on their own beliefs and not borrowed beliefs. It is built on the fundamentals of experiencing the real world in a practical way so that one can apply it in their own life and be free. I did this only because I wanted to leave behind me a repository of information, ideas, and models that I learned through these 3 years of journey.
