We recently completed the 12th year of our marriage and celebrated the occasion by having a small dinner at one of the finest restaurants in Mumbai. I mean, it was the most boring dinner of my entire life. We hardly talked as we were focused on finishing the fancy meal that we ordered, returning home, and getting our heads back hooked to our phones.
So you see, this is mostly a typical experience of a decade-old working couple’s married life, where two people give all their energy to the outside world but have any left to share with each other. In fact, things are so predictable that each one strategically talks about home responsibilities as communication and avoids deep and honest conversations.
In my opinion, the worst ones are the ones who say, ‘My marriage is fine’ or ‘Now what to do? Leave it’, parroting the latter confidently for years when asked.
I have noticed that in most modern marriages, couples have stopped treating themselves as the man and woman in the relationship. They have interchanged their roles. The women are becoming the men, and the men are becoming the women in the relationship. I see that women are unable to rely completely on their men for strength, while men are insecure about taking full responsibility.
I think It’s not our fault; our popular urban culture has bought couples to believe that a perfect marriage is all about striving for equality. It has subscribed us to get engaged in the game of social equals and perform similar roles. While it feels great to climb the success ladder as a couple, at some point the blurring of roles creates confusion and imbalance.
The result of this subculture is that couples are seeking more money, recognition, friendship, and acknowledgment outside the marriage instead of inside, giving reasons for one to feel lack in the relationship.
I truly believe that a relationship has to be independent and interdependent at the same time. A sign of a healthy marriage is when couples respect and cherish their dependency on each other and balance the pursuit of becoming overly independent.
The traditional role of a woman to nurture relationships and give love and attention to the other half must be regained, while the man must bring strength to the relationship by providing the best without fearing to fail to meet one’s expectations.
When we stop seeking acknowledgment from the audience and instead play our required part like a performer in a live play, we discover that our life partners were never the perfect ones, but definitely, the right ones in our lives to deliver our best performance.
Today, when I was out for my morning walk, I couldn’t stop myself from being grateful for having a loving partner who values my role in the relationship. This feeling was natural and pure. There was no money, romance, gifts, finest food, or travel to give me evidence of a truly fulfilled relationship.
Finally, I rejoiced on my 12th wedding anniversary.
So when it comes to me, an anniversary party, candlelight dinner, vacations, or publishing a happy social media post doesn’t save my marriage every year. It’s the amount of freedom to let the person remain the man and woman in the marriage every year that defines the success of a long-lasting marriage.
