The dark side of running a business

I was recently complimented by one of my friends that how proud he was that I started my own business, following my passion and living free. In a rare moment of vulnerability, I actually was choked with emotions thinking about how people assume that following your passion makes your life free and rewarding. It struck me how I cannot go back to my regular way of living where an unproductive day didn’t count much, where taking a weekend off is deserving, giving 100% attendance to social events is easy, and keeping up with all the school activities of your child like other mothers is emotionally rewarding, carving out time for some weekly self-care is possible and above all timely paid for work is financially securing. So, when he asked me when are you going to scale my business? I didn’t have a good answer to it. Scaling means more time for business and less time for life. I mean am I even ready to do more personal sacrifices?

Living an entrepreneurial lifestyle may seem self-centered for many in our family and friends because we have very limited time and choices to make. It may also hit some egos and bring some pain to our loved ones. But I credit this lifestyle for building my confidence when others doubted, it helped develop trust in my own strengths and capabilities. I credit it for building my self-esteem which otherwise was bruised by my past mistakes. If I look back, I was quite controlling in my relationships. I wanted people to act exactly the way I wanted. I was desperate to keep my friendships back then and was compelled to follow the rules. I was willing to accept my limitations and mediocre thinking. I also felt obligated to confirm with the world.

People living this lifestyle fight different kinds of battles. We face highly dynamic monthly income, we confront knowledge and skill deprivation, and sometimes our trust is broken intentionally or unintentionally by the ecosystem. The highly competitive market keeps us concerned about losing our next client. We fight with our loneliness as many friends have already left us by now. Our family has given up on our attendance on special occasions. Some days we fight with the animals of self-doubts and fear and contemplate hours on giving up on our own dreams, thinking is it even worth doing?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining here. In fact, I love every minute of this lifestyle. But I have observed that there are some real, social, and emotional tradeoffs for entrepreneurs to pay, especially startups. Running a startup doesn’t mean my life is free of shackles, but it means I am willing to learn new from the new shackles of life. Following my passion doesn’t reduce my life problems, it actually means I am choosing new life problems. That’s why it’s still worth it.

So am I willing to make more personal sacrifices? Let me figure it out!