One of the greatest epiphanies of my life was when I discovered that the quality of one’s life and lifestyle was not defined by the circumstances but it is in the ability of taking high-quality decisions. This antidote to living a different and fulfilled life helped eliminate the constant urge of accepting whatever life was offering. I always thought I need to have a life that looked like a full plate until I found that there was more joy to life in having less.
Two years back when I was getting burned out in my corporate job, I was trying to figure out why there is a default need in me that wants to continue with an uninspiring job. Why following the traditional methods of achieving financial goals was my survival source. Why choose to live a life where you are pushed to live a complicated and busy life when you can have a clean, elegant, and functional designed life? Why accept more thrown by life when I have the power to enjoy less to live life?
I think one of the main reasons for me to go for more was that I believed that the world rewards mostly the louder, highly productive, and extroverted people and hence I had to quickly become one — I had to be a performer, I had to keep the job, and I had to keep my day filled.
When observed closely, these traits of mine were mostly attracting hard work, trivial assignments, and mess caused by others. Saying yes to them became critical as I had to prove that I can have all and that I can tackle any challenge with great passion. This behavior seemed like a high performance on the surface, but deep down I was learning helplessness. With time, I started saying yes to everything even when I didn’t wish to do it or knew that I had limited time and resources to deliver. My work became a burden and approval trap and I had no power but to let my boss, colleagues, and clients decide for me.
Until realized I had the choice to say NO. I have a complete choice in what opportunity, assignment, or challenge to take on. I must admit, it was quite hard for me to say no initially because we are supposed to keep up with the competition, and we have to say yes to more (even when your boss calls us up on Sunday and want us to do something on that day). Saying yes to more seem to me like living with short time goals. Hence I quit.
In my new designed life, I am glad I went quieter and I currently enjoy the bliss of being an introvert so that I could say no to the noise and yes to the smallest voice that inspires me to focus on less (new ideas and work) and create an environment that is of value and contribution.
So, whenever my plate is full, I have three choices to make
One: Worry, complain, and say yes to all the craziness and then experience burnout or a breakdown
Two: Keep the ones that matter and remove the ones that don’t matter.
Three: Saying No to everything and making more time and space for the right things, people and experiences.
To be honest, number one was my default way of living, until I found out that I always have a choice.
