And the answer is short- Because my friend you were the goddamn ‘Saint’ in the relationship.
But that doesn’t mean one needs to remain a saint for life. My observations may rub a few the wrong way. But some truth needs to be free from obscurity. I think that betrayal and cheating are definitely not something one must find justifying or romantic in any kind of relationship, it’s something one needs to intervene and resolve in the relationship for self and the other person. That’s simply because the old or new relationships, either of them cannot sustain broken trust.
So when people share their stories of broken hearts with me, the conversations mostly end with the person seeking answers to questions like why did she cheat? I gave him everything then why did he go ahead with the other woman? What do I lack? Well, there is no logical answer to it but I definitely think there is a logical way to look into the possible causes.
The main reason to write extensively on this subject was to breakdown this truth in a logical way for the ones who may be going through some extreme hurt and pains to start looking at the situation with reasonable eyeglasses and also for the ones with doubt to develop some self-awareness and notice the red flags and not miss warning signs behind the veil of selfless love.
I have understood that it all boils down to two major reasons for people cheat in a relationship. (1) the person is self-centered and needs self-gratification from the world, and (2) the person lacks real intimacy in the relationship.
A self-centered choice is amature in nature and is guided by thoughts of being miserable or being powerful. It is mostly focused on short-term and self-gratifying gains and not on long-term commitment. It’s the incapability to step back, review and say no to the pleasure of feeling good. All revenge, miserable acts, or justified behavior falls under this category.
Secondly, the person who constantly finds a lack of intimacy in the relationship is the one mostly overfed with love, attention, and care. They are the ones whose all demands are mostly met by the other significant half just like amazon prime. They do mistakes but then are ignored to make them feel better. They do everything to test your patience or cross your boundaries but you will always end up taking their unreasonable demands in the belief of ‘I LOVE HIM/HER’ All the mistreatment, intentional hurts, possessiveness, extreme insecurities and blame for lack falls under this category.
I mean, a relationship with these people eventually gives birth to the saint inside you, even if you were never meant to be one in life. Finding you as someone who can be cheated and will not mind because you are now self-actualized. Thinking that he/she has the capacity to tolerate it, so why not cheat? Anyways, he will make sure that I am not felt bad.
There are many ways of preventing oneself from being cheated and enjoy a non-toxic relationship. Setting ‘Healthy Boundaries’ between both works the best. It means loving and respecting yourself first. Being clear about certain acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors of each other and living in line with those values. It means recognizing that you are not totally responsible for others’ happiness 24/7. The other one has to go through his / her own struggles to choose a long-term commitment over short-term gratification.
