Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel the tension between what you feel is right to what is right? You felt pressurized to do what others want you to do. It’s like a conflict between your internal feelings and external action. Often, an obligation to say yes when you merely meant to say no to avoid a conflict and reaction. Mostly playing its tricks in relationships where you love and respect the person and don’t want to lose the person.
Nothing wrong with feelings, I mean we all want to look nice, be polite to people, express our love, and avoid any kind of damage to relationships. Also, who wants to miss any opportunity to make more money or save money even if they come in a form of the best online deals? I mean every yes brings or retains so much in our life even if they are choking our space.
The question is why our ‘Yes’ are hinged on external factors or others’ approval. I mean why do we force ourselves to say yes when all we want to say is No? I had to figure out why there is inherited compulsivity behavior to do things we don’t wish to do.
Perhaps one of the reasons for the yes to all is that we don’t have the courage to say no. The word No would grip us into the fear of losing and that itself is a good reason to say yes.
Saying no gives us a feeling of losing and in the world of accumulation saying no is a loser’s play. We will find ourselves in situations where saying yes is a better decision like high package uninspiring job, toxic close relationships, soul-changing proposals, or things bought on credit with time benefit.
Well, I realized that my default life was running on this turbulent loop of constant yes, and sacrificing my courage over the fear of losing was becoming unhealthy. The learned helplessness got me thinking if I really want to be out of the trap of yes, I need to learn to say no firmly and gracefully.
A year back, when I was asked to rejoin my company as a full-time employee post-pandemic, I chose No. I chose to my value myself over the social pressure of others choosing my value. This decision made me realize that my every no has a trade-off that I need to face.
If I look back, if I had said yes to my one full-time job, I had to trade off it with my desired well-being, creativity, new interests, precious time with family, new avenues, and opportunities for financial growth. Saying yes to them helped me grow into a person with clarity and intentionality.
I like the way author James clearly mentions in his interviews, “When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option.”
I chose many personal goals over one financial gain.
Today I live a much more balanced life. My clear ‘Yes’ is focused on the priorities that are moving me in the direction of an intentional living and my every ‘No’ is guarding my time for future yes.
If I summarize it clearly, saying No is about choosing courage over the fear of losing. Saying No is choosing other options over one option in life. Saying No is choosing essentials that help us focus on things that matter to us the most.
